Archived Campus News


El Nino Returns!

     May 4th, 1999
     (Stardate 9991.4050.1740)

     Everyone has heard of the extreme weather system known as El Nino that pounded the United States a while back with extreme cold and such. And we have all heard the weathermen tell us about El Nino's sister La Nina (or whatever the cutesy analogy was), and how it was supposed to make this last winter horrible. Although neither of these struck the Pacific Northwest with their full force, there is a definite danger looming on the horizon.

     Citizens of Washington, Idaho, and that other state didn't even really see anything different about the weather in the last few years, and so they have become apathetic. This is a very dangerous attitude to take. Along with the death of all computers, power companies, water utilities, elevators, credit cards, and McDonalds, the year 2000 brings with it Basura Blanca, El Nino's drunken neighbor.

     This will be the first year of Basura Blanca since the end of prohibition. Basura Blanca will bring with it many various weather conditions, as well as adverse side effects. Be on the lookout for the following warning signs of Basura Blanca: The sky will begin to rain cheap beer. All television signals will begin to play Rosanne reruns, and radio signals will be overrun with Lynard Skynard, Van Halen, Offspring, and Elvis Presly. Clothing stores will begin to sell nothing but jeans and white tank-tops. And the most obvious warning sign will be when Bill Clinton again runs for president in 2000, and again wins.

     The plan to keep your family safe during this time of Basura Blanca is to avoid trailer parks at all cost, generally keep away from the mid-west, and if you have the means, just move to Canada for the next 2 years. As updates become availible on this story, DUI will keep you updated.

      Skor




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