Quote of the Week: "Single life no longer suits Fluger! If you are a woman, and are alive, have a
reasonable IQ, and are a Christian, call Fluger and ask him out!" - Nathan Fluger, x6959


The following is a publication of the Department of Underground Information.
CLICK HERE To go to our homepage. DO NOT DO THIS! DO IT NOW!.

Greg Piper Interview
The Department of Underground Information sat down with Greg Piper recently for a quick interview in order to capitalize on his recent publicity. Following are a few notable excerpts. Go here to download and listen to the whole interview:

Greg Piper on what makes a good tomato:

GP: "They have to be firm. I don't like it when they're too juicy - when they're just kinda dripping all down. I like kind of maybe a drier tomato. (pause) I like them when they're nice and big. Little ones, they're okay - they're kind of fun to chew on, but I like a nice big tomato to sink my teeth into."

On which politician he has the most disrespect for:

GP: "Bob Packwood. He's a senator from Oregon. There were a few things wrong with him. For one thing, he messed around with women, and he didn't know how to keep it quiet. He was a liberal republican, and those are just awful. And he resigned in disgrace." (At least there was a happy ending.)

On smiting things:

DUI: If there was one thing at SPU that you could smite with a mighty blow, what would it be?

GP: (pause) Ashton. (laughter) I'd love to get rid of that symbol of capitalist excess and greed.

On choosing a title for himself as a dictator:

DUI: Something with "glorious" in it...

GP: I was actually thinking "benevolent" - "The Benevolent Overseer", so my initials would be "B.O."

On singing:

GP: My freshman year, the first thing I did at SPU: I tried out for concert choir, and David Anderson turned me down, and I was angry, because I had been in the highest choir in my high school, and I was one of the best singers.

DUI: Do you have anything spiteful you'd like to say about David Anderson now that you have the chance here?

GP: About David Anderson? That ponytail! Come on! Get a haircut!

On his childhood:

DUI: Tell us something strange about your childhood.

GP: "Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay."

Our conversation moved over many topics. Ever wanted to know what Greg Piper carries in his pockets? How many times he's been arrested? Whether he has any odd mechanical implants? What he thinks is his most unpleasant characteristic?

Want to hear his racy story about the most shameful thing he has ever done? Or perhaps hear him sing the "Saved by the Bell" theme song? Want to hear him talk back to his critics?

All these things and more are addressed in the full interview, available for download in mp3 format here.

§ ZoRaK §
ZorakofDUI@yahoo.com
& -Slartibartfast, Slartibart@altavista.com

SPU Love Letters, an Investigative Report
The ever-vigilant DUI has learned the appalling truth behind the April Fools Day "I have a confession" e-mail prank. The prank caught us all by surprise, and the weekly DUI meeting the next day was a picture of chaos. Hong Kong Phooey, the founder of the Department of Underground Information, was livid with rage. He flailed his "ouch stick" like a drunken swordsman, shrieking and slobbering. All of our prescription drugs were hidden away, and we were forbidden to engage in drunken cavorting, "Until these miscreants are caught and made to write for us." We all left the meeting ashen-faced and quite determined to flush out the responsible parties behind the prank.

After tracking down numerous dead ends, we got desperate and bribed a CIS official with a stick of gum to let us look through SPU's extensive computer logs. We stayed up all night reading through meaningless gibberish, looking for a clue. Then, in the early hours of the morning, Da Buttminster (co-founder of the DUI) finally pinpointed the exact location of their headquarters.

We ran across campus like men possessed, whooping like Indians on the warpath. PORTENT (one of our writers) wanted to kick in their door, but Skor (our webmaster) decided to try his key on a whim. In a coincidence unparalleled in all of history, his key happened to fit their door, and it swung open like the opening of a huge, black, malevolent mouth.

The place was abandoned. There was computer paraphernalia strewn over the whole apartment. Papers lying about showed the progress of the project from inception to completion. We saw sample letters, prototype computer programs, and long lists of names and e-mail addresses. Most noticeable was the lingering aroma of narcotics such as caffeine and sugar still hanging in the air. These people were REALLY messed up.

Looking around the apartment in astonishment, Hawk noticed, "Hey, these people decorate just like we do."

"That's nonsense," roared Inspector Gadget, "No one decorates like we do! Where's the DUI clock?"

"Right there!"

We all looked to see Zorak pointing at the wall. We stared, dumbfounded. There it was, the hands stopped eternally at "4" and "2". Underneath was written "DUI Headquarters."

Finally, after a long period of silence, I whispered what we all were thinking: "This is OUR apartment!"

It was true. All this time, we had been tracking down OURSELVES!!! Slowly the memories returned, like a limping hoard of zombies. The screams . . . the maniacal laughter . . . and the MONKEYS!!! We wept, banged our heads on the floor, and tried everything we could think of to make ourselves forget again. It was no use. The memories of that fateful weekend had returned to stay.

With these events in mind, the Department of Underground Information would like to make an official statement against substance abuse. If you are going to do outrageous things, it may be tempting to use narcotics to "enhance" your creativity. Do not do this. Memory loss isn't a joke. In fact, if you laughed at anything in this article, or at anything in our narcotics-inspired love-letters, for that matter, you need a good spanking. See our spanking article for details.

For more information on the love letters prank, you can go here or here.
-Slartibartfast, Slartibart@altavista.com

Who Are Own Your Base?
Always looking out for the masses, the Department of Underground Information has spent much of the last month conducting an in-depth investigation into SPU's ASSP officers. It is well known that most of this year's officers won their elections by bribing Ashton girls with free makeup in exchange for votes, but this time, they have gone too far. The DUI has discovered that in blatant violation of student non-intrusion rights, numerous ASSP officers have been pounding SPU students with propaganda like a jackhammer outside Marston at 7:30 AM. Since before classes even started in the fall, they have been implementing their nefarious plan to convince students that "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US." But don't take the word of this DUI reporter. See for yourself.

• This picture was taken at the leadership conference in September. Quite obviously, Chris Kattenhorn (VP Campus Activities) is training SPU's other student leaders to propagate the message.
  
• Most of you remember receiving This e-mail, sent from ASSP President Derrick Woodward regarding the ASSP Book Exchange. At first glance, it appears to be completely harmless. However, hit "Ctrl-A" while viewing it, and you will see the devious hidden text, displaying the message a total of three times.
  
• In a more recent offense, our Executive VP Jim McDougall sent out a similar e-mail, this time with the ruse of trying to encourage students to vote in the ASSP primary elections. Again, the hidden white text assures students that resistance is futile, as all their base are already belong to ASSP.
  

§ ZoRaK §
ZorakofDUI@yahoo.com

Emerson Hall Plans Shrouded in Secrecy
As all of SPU has undoubtedly noticed, our quiet Emerson Street has undergone significant change throughout the past year. The new dorm, affectionately dubbed "Emerson Hall," has grown from the annoying sound of jackhammers and hard-hat profanity to a domineering building that speaks loudly of Eatonite dreams. However, the big question poised on the most delicate tips of students' tongues inevitably remains: "Who actually gets to live there?"

Marston/Watson residents attempted to claim the hall as their birthright. When SPU announced plans to close their residence hall, many M/W inhabitants demanded that they receive priority over all other potential applicants. Their appeal was ignored however, due to a massive outcry from the rest of the student body who insisted that they wanted the new dorm to have the potential of having residents who shower on a regular basis as a population majority.

Residents from Moyer, Hill and Ashton have been told that there is little chance of their admittance into the elusive "Emerson Hall." A member of the "Emerson Hall Resident Selection Board" who asked not to be identified spoke to the DUI under a really obvious looking wig and sunglasses that would make a drag queen cry: "Really, it's not what it seems. Emerson is all a fake, man. It's all a fake! There's no dorm, man. You know what they're going to use it for? Do you? It's for Eaton, man -- you know, the real Eaton." The DUI has yet to decipher what this statement means.

The housing board has been vague about the arrangements, to say the least. Dean of Student Life, Kathleen Braden, explained in an interview: "Well, we really aren't sure if we want anyone to live there next year, really. I mean... it's kind of pretty like it is. The construction workers, the detours and the large missing sections of pavement add a flavor to our campus that I personally have grown fond of."

Despite confusing facts and worrisome testimony by those closest to the new dorm, the truth behind Emerson Hall will emerge sooner or later, we can be sure. When that inevitably happens we will stop, smile and continue along in our happy academic career paths as though life really does go on in spite of it all.

Cadett, e-mail c/o Slartibart@altavista.com

Tuition Costs: Guest Editorial
On February 20, Phil Eaton sent an e-mail to the SPU community regarding next year's raise in tuition. I must say that this is long overdue. Some of you students may protest, crying about how tuition has already gone up enough in recent years, but I disagree. I have been at SPU for nearly 30 years now, and I stand whole-heartedly behind Dr. Eaton's objective of "Increasing faculty salaries," and I am ecstatic (to say the least) that this is "one of our major goals for the years ahead." It seems finally people are listening to me. At last I will be able to afford season tickets for Mariners baseball. Now if only they would get rid of those useless professor evaluation forms. Or at least add "Professor cuddliness" as one of the categories. But then we know that all my students would all rate me as "Excellent" in that category.

- An anonymous SPU faculty member

Send comments on this editorial to:
§ ZoRaK §
ZorakofDUI@yahoo.com

Tim Dearborn announces new theology
The Department of Underground Information, in our bi-monthly midnight search of the Campus Ministries Offices, discovered a shocking document. The following appears to be a draft for an announcement drafted by Tim Dearborn, fundamentally changing SPU's core theology for the twenty-first century:

-----Document Excerpt-----

My dear little children,

After great deliberation, SPU has decided to make a major change to our core theology. This change will be difficult for many to swallow, but it is based on The Scriptures, and any dissent will be dealt with harshly.

Our new theology is based on three passages, which all SPU students are required to have memorized, effective immediately.

Verse #1:

"For thou art not a God who delights in wickedness; evil may not sojourn with thee. The boastful may not stand before thy eyes; thou hatest all evildoers." (Psalms 5:4-5, Revised Standard Version)

It could not be stated more clearly. The first fundamental belief in SPU's new core theology is that God hates all evildoers. And who is an evildoer? Read on.

Verse #2:

"since all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," (Romans 3:23, RSV)

That's right, boys and girls, everyone is an evildoer. This leads us to our second fundamental belief: Since God hates evildoers, and everyone is an evildoer, God hates everyone! Rejoice in your new enlightenment. Right now!

But how does this affect our lives? Read on.

Verse #3:

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children." (Ephesians 5:1, RSV)

Yes, indeed. This verse gives rise to the final, glorious belief in our new core theology for the twenty-first century. Since God hates everyone, and we are to be imitators of God, than we must hate everyone!

This new theology shall be called "The Universal Hate", and it will greatly change the way we live our lives on this campus.

Effective immediately, the following changes shall be made in light of the Universal Hate:

1. GROUP shall be known as "The Gathering of Hate", and will feature contemporary hate songs and special "Speakers of Spite".
   
2. Chapel shall be known as "Hate Hour", and will feature more traditional songs of malice. Respected "Purveyors of Anger" will be brought in at regular intervals to expostulate at great length about the ramifications of living by a code of hate.
   
3. SPU's community service requirement, formerly based around silly things like love for others, shall now be exactly the opposite. If formerly you would have folded clothes at a homeless shelter, now you must unfold those same clothes. Similarly, before these changes, an SPU student would have been expected to help an elderly woman across the street. But under the Universal Hate, you are expected to prevent that woman from crossing the street at all costs. You get the idea.
   

-Slartibartfast, Slartibart@altavista.com

Prank Phone Caller Not Phil Eaton Exclamatory Notice!
President Eaton released a bulletin today disavowing the rumor that he was the prank caller whom pundits have labeled "the hoarse whisperer". You may recall that during finals week last quarter, many girls on campus received a prank phone call in which the caller simply whispered "It's me," and pretended to be whomever the recipient thought he was, explaining that he had to whisper because he was sick.

President Eaton further explained that his prank calls to SPU girls always consist of heavy breathing, and that the "hoarse whisperer" was a poor imitation of his patented style.

-Slartibartfast, Slartibart@altavista.com

Advertise Your Event or Club on KSPU
Do you want an extremely affordable, reasonably priced, and tremendously inexpensive way to promote an event, club or organization? You can now purchase display advertisements on KSPU. The advertisements will be shown through the campus cable system on channel 71. This is a perfect opportunity if your target audience consists entirely of KSPU DJs and their friends. Contact kspumarketing@yahoo.com for rates and additional information.

§ ZoRaK §
ZorakofDUI@yahoo.com

Back to Top

Spring Quarter P.A. Class
This quarter SPU introduced a class focused on honing the skills of PAs to be. One segment of the class will be entitled "How to avoid annoying students." PAs will be trained in window escape techniques, as well as training in evasive action around campus when an annoying student is encountered. PAs will also be expected to build up a large repertoire of excuses for the times when a student requests a serious talk. Such excuses as, "I need to take my cousins monkey to the cleaners" are expected to be popular. Later in the quarter, PAs will go through a two week seminar entitled "Helping students help themselves." In this seminar PAs will learn new suggestions, besides the much too common and ineffective "talk it out" answer, to give help to students who are having problems with other students. PAs will learn about alternatives such as boxing and jello wrestling, as well as the ever popular old-fashioned fist fight.

42 - Dirk Gently, c/o ZorakofDUI@yahoo.com

SPU Vine Cutting History
Five weeks ago, a fledgling DUI writer was locked in a room with a stack of information on the history of SPU. He was told he would not be let out until he had written something funny about SPU's history. Unfortunately we forgot about him, and he almost died of starvation before being let out by a janitor. However, it is notable that the only paper product he did not eat while locked in that room was his article, which we proudly present here:

- -- - -- - -- - -- -
Ever wonder why SPU would come up with such a weird tradition as cutting a vine for the graduation ceremony? Well, the truth is stranger than you may have guessed.

First, a little background: It is a little known fact that the "Since 1891" tagline on all that official SPU stuff is actually a typo someone made eighty years ago. The actual founding of SPU was 891 AD. In those days, graduation was a much less refined event, involving large quantities of alcohol. The only Latin used was a few Latin swear words that people thought sounded cool.

In 930 AD, some "wise-guy", as profs were known in those days, had an idea to add a ritual called "Castratius Ignoramus" (Castration of Ignorance). This would be a symbolic event, representing the permanent removal of ignorance from the minds of SPU graduates. And there was much rejoicing, except among the goats used in the ritual.

In 1566 AD, PETA threatened a lawsuit against the school on behalf of the goats, and school officials began looking for a more humane way to represent Castratius Ignoramus. That year, the graduation ceremony featured a new ceremony: "Prunius Ignoramus" (Pruning of Ignorance). The new victim was an innocent piece of ivy. The unruly crowd in attendance, having come expecting a bloody spectacle, promptly started a riot. Despite the poor reception of the new policy, school officials stood their ground.

By 1700 AD, the ceremony had come to be called "Cutting of the Ignorant Ivy". By 1850, people had become lazier, and the ceremony was simply "Cutting of the Ivy", although most people remembered that the ivy was supposed to be quite ignorant.

Today, the ivy-cutting ceremony has lost the richness of its original meaning. It has become something we do simply because we've always done it. School Officials, ignorant of the true meaning, have scrambled to find other meanings that it could stand for. Being members of Academia, they can't stand to lose a tradition. But WE know what it really stands for. And I for one will be smiling when I graduate.

-Slartibartfast, Slartibart@altavista.com

Confused About Insectoid Requirements?
If you are required to take "Anthill Perspectives" and "Hive Heritage" for your insectoid requirement, you may be confused about which courses to take. Stop by the Demaray Hall lobby to pick up a sheet that translates your insectoid course requirements into the new "ANTS" and "BEES" course language. If you are unable to find your way to Demaray Hall, just follow scented path #25904c.

§ ZoRaK §
ZorakofDUI@yahoo.com

Back to Top

Marston Residents to be Compensated
Before I picked up my copy of The Falcon last week, I hadn't even noticed the ridiculously loud, absurdly intrusive, and unbelievably inconveniencing construction that was taking place on all sides of Marston Hall for ten hours a day. However, now that I have been enlightened, I have discovered that the editors of our fine university tabloid may have been onto something halfway newsworthy. After probing a little deeper, the DUI has learned that Marston residents are in fact being compensated.

Unfortunately for the many Marston occupants for whom money is the answer to all problems, the University's compensation plan is not a monetary one. This Friday, after the rest of the University closes at noon, a special "Airing of the Grievances" will take place in third Gwinn, open only to Marston residents. For those students with pent-up aggression towards the world in general, and SPU specifically, there will be numerous feats of strength, in which students will be able to compete in an all-out brawl with Assistant Director of Residence Life Manny Mourtzanos. So if you live in Marston, can't stand progress, and would like to be compensated, be in third Gwinn Friday at noon.

§ ZoRaK §
ZorakofDUI@yahoo.com

Energy Conservation Workshop
Given the west coast's current energy crisis, physics professor John Lindberg has taken it on himself to offer an energy conservation workshop at noon this Saturday in the MSLC. "This workshop practically prepared itself," he explained, "Physics is basically just the study of energy, so I figured why not apply my knowledge to help save it?" At the workshop, Dr. Lindberg will teach students how to build a fire-pit in their floor lounge that can be used for heating water for use in bathing and cooking. He will also spend time explaining the intricacies of candle making, so that students can learn to make their own candles to burn as an alternate source of light in their dorm rooms and apartments.

Dr. Lindberg plans to use this workshop as a springboard for a comprehensive plan of energy conservation that he will soon be presenting to university officials. One of the major points in this plan is a proposal to generate all the energy needed to fulfill SPU's power needs by having the track and cross-country teams spend their respective off-seasons running in giant power-generation wheels. As outrageous as this idea may sound, apparently Dr. Lindberg is already running a limited trial, and has been able to supply Computer and Information Systems with nearly 75% consistent power for the past six months. We spoke with one of the runners involved in this test, Michael Ziemann: "This is ridiculous! How can I get any work done when I am being forced to run in this wheel all day? This is the final straw. I'm transferring to the UW."

It is doubtful that the board of directors will approve Dr. Lindberg's plan.

§ ZoRaK §
ZorakofDUI@yahoo.com

Scott Coil Special Lecture
This Thursday at 9:00am, Scott Coil will be giving a special presentation at First Free Methodist Church. His lecture, "If Violence is not the Answer, Then You are Obviously Asking the Wrong Question," will count for CFE credit, and will focus on the biblical basis for his ultra-anti-pacifism lifestyle. For more information, call Scott at x5060, or e-mail him at Harrison@spu.edu.

§ ZoRaK §
ZorakofDUI@yahoo.com

Back to Top

How To Be a Comedian...of Death
Do you enjoy laughter? At parties, do you find yourself insane with jealousy directed toward the proverbial "funny guy?" Well, if this is you, then Wednesday is your lucky day. World-renown comedian Chad Steele will be teaching a 2-hour seminar titled "Laugh yourself to death...of death." You will learn Chad's unique technique of death, which involves the addition of a key phrase throughout conversation. We are not going to spoil the seminar by telling you what the phrase is, but we can tell you that Chad will not only teach you how to use the phrase of death, but also how to perform a flawless execution of death. So if you couldn't think of a way to "take care" of that "funny guy" without anyone noticing, come to Demary 150 at 5:00 PM Wednesday for an excellent seminar of death.

§ ZoRaK §
ZorakofDUI@yahoo.com

Free spankings
Feeling guilty? The Department of Underground Information is pleased to announce that we will be fulfilling our community service requirement this quarter by offering free spankings. For a limited time only, this proven guilt-reduction therapy is available completely free of charge.

For more information, contact:

-Slartibartfast, Slartibart@altavista.com

European Quarter a Disaster
Several SPU students are spending spring quarter in Europe, and by all accounts, the endeavor has been a complete disaster thus far. We spoke with junior J.J. Kissinger about the troubles the group has had so far:

"Europe is awful! Everything is, like, so dirty, and the people all think they are too good to speak English. Gol, they are so uncivilized! Like this one guy in Spain - I go into his shop and start looking through these ethnic clothes he has, and he's like, "Salga de mi casa! Salga!" or something like that. I told him I was a customer, but he just pushed me out. And in France, we totally got kicked out of the Louvre just because they thought Dr. MacDonald was leering at the art or something. I guess he did find a lot of naked paintings. Dr. MacDonald told us how their all art is about sex - even the stuff that looks like it's not. And he knows a lot about art."

We asked junior Becky Crook for her comments on the European Quarter disaster, but she just sighed and closed her eyes in exasperation. We think she may have just been exasperated with us, though.

-Slartibartfast, Slartibart@altavista.com

Back to Top

Claire Chambers is Hot: Staff Editorial
If you've never met Claire Chambers, boy are you missing out. Let us tell you, she is hot! And we're not talking just physical appearance, either. She's got academic prowess, musical talent, and an incredible wit! It is hard to imagine that our concept of hot was even remotely correct before we met Claire Chambers. Her essence moves with her in the air like the fragrant scent of lilies. Every night before going to bed, we bid pleasant dreams to the 8-foot tall cardboard cutout of her that we keep prominently displayed in the living room. Hordes of disappointed women cry themselves to sleep because we have turned them down as we hold out for the best, a.k.a. Claire Chambers. If you have never had the fortitude to meet this amazingly hot pinnacle of femininity, call Claire at x6373, or e-mail her (Claireness@spu.edu) and set up a meeting.

§ ZoRaK §, and
Slartibartfast

Wild Waves Cuts Back Hours
A spokesman for Enchanted Village, a popular theme park and summer destination for many students, announced last Saturday that the hours of operation for their water park, Wild Waves, will take a drastic cut this summer due to Washington State's severe drought conditions. "We're not under any official mandate yet, we just didn't want to get onto Governor Locke's bad side, and monetary kickbacks alone just aren't enough these days," explained park manager Wilt Dizzy during our phone interview. The reluctant decision comes as quite a financial blow to the park, which has already had to delay opening day for another month due to electrical and structural damage caused by a thunderstorm the evening of April 6th. We at the DUI would like to have provided you with photographs of the damage, and a more personal interview of park administrative officials, but unfortunately when we tried to drive down to the park, there had been an accident on I-5 caused by a hydroplaning car, creating a 15-mile backup, and we were unable to reach the park before deadline.

§ ZoRaK §
ZorakofDUI@yahoo.com

Job Opportunity at The Falcon
The Career Development Center is collecting resumes for The Falcon until 12:00 pm on Friday, April 13, 2001. The Falcon is looking for a new News Editor to replace Aubrey Reagan, who was apparently fired for actually putting a real news item in the paper and thereby endangering "The Falcons core mission, to provide a lot of whiny opinions and finger-pointing to the SPU Community." Sophomore, junior or senior students in any major with a GPA of 1.3 or higher may apply. Contact the Career Development Center at 281-2485 for more information.

-Slartibartfast, Slartibart@altavista.com

Correction / Explanation / PLEASE, PLEASE FORGIVE US TREVOR!
On line 358 of our previous publication (dis-appoint - Week of Febtober ¾², 2000), we printed the name of the 1st Moyer PA as "Trevor Sharp." It was brought to our attention that his name is in fact Trevor Schultz. We would like to apologize for our error. That is to say, we would like to apologize for our error, but we just can't bring ourselves to admit that we really made an error. Quite obviously something is wrong with reality, since publications of the DUI are definitive. Therefore, we would like to set the record straight, and clarify that subsequent to our sending of the previous dis-appoint, reality was skewed to make it look as though we were inaccurate in our reporting. Of course, nobody has any recollection of anything changing, but that is why we are taking the time to provide this explanation here. Why this happened, no one can be sure, but personally, I suspect that the squirrels are somehow responsible.

§ ZoRaK §
ZorakofDUI@yahoo.com

Back to Top

Let There be Love.
I just want to make it clear that we say what we say to be funny. Nothing we say in these e-mails is meant to be taken seriously. Except of course the bit about Mike Z. leaving. Yes, sadly it is true. Mike Z. - the Man, the Myth, the Mystery is leaving our fair campus. Anyway, getting back to the disclaimers thing, to be more specific, I have nothing but respect for Chris Kattenhorn, Derrick Woodward, Jim McDougall, Dr. Spina, KSPU, Marston, Dr. Lindberg, Scott Coil, Chad Steele, Trevor Schultz, or Nathan Fluger. In closing, I would like to leave you with this poem: I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May. I guess you'd say "What can make me feel this way?" My girl, my girl, my girl. Talkin' 'bout my girl. My girl.

§ ZoRaK §
ZorakofDUI@yahoo.com

Death to Marston?
After reading the articles in this most recent Disappoint, some of you may be under the impression that this has been some kind of "Death to Marston" publication. Does the Department of Underground Information hate Marston? In a word, "yes". In two words, "sort of". In three words, "Not at all". We freely admit that our slurs against Marston are blatant lies, and that there are probably plenty of normal people living in Marston. It's just that none of us have met them.

Writing this stuff is fun, and Zorak and I are proud to be admitted into the ranks of the DUI. If you didn't check out the DUI web page when the last Disappoint was sent out, be sure to do so now. There's a lot of funny stuff there.

-Slartibartfast, Slartibart@altavista.com

Back to Top